# 0234

by dippy


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The best night of Josh’s known existence began with a simple trip to Denny’s. Now, because it was to Denny’s, this trip took place at 2 in the morning, thus forcing humor on the situation from pure exhaustion. We first entered Jordan’s car, where me and Josh presumed to eat ice cream sandwiches while Jordan went into his house to steal his brothers money. We indulged further into our ice cream, discussing the events that would take place throughout the night. Just as I took my 3rd bite of the sandwich, Jordan’s parents, whom were not supposed to be home until 2 in the morning, decided to pull into his garage at 12. We made straight eye contact, looked at each other, and began laughing. It was instantly clear she assumed we were blazed out of our minds. Jordan then came out of the house, stared his parents down and got into the car. Thus began our life changing journey to the greatest restaurant ever established.

Sean, a dear friend to the story’s main characters, was called upon to undertake this quest with our heroes. Making one of the very few educated decisions he’s ever made in his life, he decided to ask his parents to go, rather than sneak out. His parents also assumed the lack of intelligence that must be going through his head, but allowed it. He got in the car and we drove away into the night, in search of the holy Denny’s.

When we finally pulled up to Denny’s, our eyes widened with excitement. Hours of hunger and anticipation for pancakes at 2 a.m. was finally going to be satiated. We sat down, and instantly began small talk with our waitress, mainly because of the fact that Sean wanted to bang her. After several pancakes, sausages, and chicken fried steak, we were quite full, but not full enough to realize what was entering the door. A few kids about our age entered, one with dreads in his hair. We all assumed that naturally, they were high or tripping balls, which is still up for consideration. However it was not their lack of soberness that was surprising us. The kid with dreads continued around the corner, and still Brian thought that because of his rasta hair he was a huge badass. Despite Brians high expectations he then began to roar, like a pterodactyl would roar. It was actually very convincing, and he quite possibly could have been on acid and actually thinking he was a pterodactyl. Thinking that was the extent of this catastrophe, we continued to eat and converse and laugh on our 2am high. We then glanced back to the Jamaican Rasta boy who was now rounding our table and his lower torso and legs were now coming into sight. It was just at this moment I realized that this Jamaican pterodactyl was also very much a cross-dressing Goth, sporting the mini skirt and fishnets. It was quite a sight and our whole table burst into laughter as he continued by to his table.

As if this wasn’t enough to end the insanity of our night, Sean continued to get interesting ideas, which, surprisingly, the rest of us went along with. We drank a total of about 15 hot chocolates and got a few for the road when we were leaving, but not before correcting the waitress, Mandy, or Erin, we’re not quite sure on that anymore, on her bill. Sean then added his phone number to the bill, in hopes to have the best sex of his life with the Denny’s waitress. We left the restaurant, hot chocolates in hand, but of course none of us even wanted to drink any more hot chocolate. We began to drive away, but not before noticing an abandoned car in the parking lot next to Denny’s. It was calling to us. Definitely a sign from some sort of god. Jordan drove us nearer to it, which is when Sean sparked another brilliant idea of absolutely raping the car with hot chocolate. We launched the first one, which sadly was a miss. Persistently, we looped around again and launched another, which smashed all over the side of the car. Enthusiasm and adrenaline rushed through our veins. We pulled around that car two more times and threw our hot chocolate all over it. One of the best feelings in the world is watching hot chocolate smother a vehicle which isn’t yours. Dismayed by our current lack of ammunition, we proceeded to drive back to Denny’s, and Josh and sean walked in. they then asked waitress if we could have a few more hot chocolates, for free of course. The waitress, being wicked chill, and wanting Sean’s shit of course, gave us the chocolates and we rushed back to the car with glee. We then drove right back to that car, getting two more direct hits on it. Our night was complete as of that point, but more was yet to come.
We drove down the road and saw several cop cars huddled around one car. We stared as we went by, looking oddly suspicious. Jordan continued driving back toward home. Then, being the idiot he is, he decided to flash an oncoming car with his high beams in order to warn them of the cataclysmic gathering of donut munching assholes that was not just a few hundred yards away. Of course, the car that was flashed was, ironically, also a donut munching asshole. The irony of flashing a cop to warn him that there are cops ahead is greater than anything I’ve ever seen or heard of in my many days of living. The cop banked a U-E, and followed us with his blue lights blazing. Jordan pulled over and sighed. He was devastated. The cop walked alongside our vehicle, shining his flashlight into all of our eyes. He then proceeded to say, “ Why are you out this late?” Jordan replied, “ Uh…we went out to eat.” “Where are you coming from?” Jordan once again replied, “…Denny’s.” The cop, obviously looking puzzled, began to question Jordan of his knowledge of the consequences of getting a speeding ticket and how he would lose his license. Jordan knew all of this. The cop asked if Jordan knew why he was pulling him over, and Jordan said no, which was an obvious lie because Jordan blatantly flashed the cop. The cop then said, “I’m pulling you over for speeding. How fast do you think you were going?” When cops ask you how fast you think you were going, only an idiot or Sean would tell the truth, so it was very pointless question. Jordan said, “40?” The cop then replied, “Actually, it was 46.” How is 6 miles over the speed limit dangerous at 2 in the morning? Just another one of the many mysteries of life. (comment by Jordan. “the actual speed limit was 30, and it changed to 35 right where we were pulled over. Brian just doesn’t know how to drive slash doesn’t obey the rules of the road) Luckily the cop ended up leaving us off with a warning. He began walking away, but of course that couldn’t be the end of it. Sean called him back like they were old buddies. “Hey…hold on, what’s the deal with all those cops back there around that one car?” The cop replied, “They must have pulled someone over.” Sean then said, “They really need four cars for one person speeding? And it looks like your headed over there too which means that they’ll have five cop cars for one person.” The cop, angry now, replied, “Ya, I guess so.” He then walked back to his car and we drove away.
We arrived back at Jordan’s house after dropping Sean off and instantly began playing Fifa and Pokemon Stadium. Josh, saying he wouldn’t fall asleep due to the mind boggling amounts of coffee he drank tonight and me saying he would fall asleep first, is of course, passed out on the cushion that goes on the bowl chairs in jordan’s attic, and is using the second cushion on the other chair as a blanket. Typical emotional elephant. Also, proof that I’m never wrong. Jordan, looking very tired is dominating Pokemon stadium right now, keeps glancing me perplexed looks as to why I’m writing a paper on his computer at 4:09 in the morning, and I myself, am ending this paper at 4:09 in the morning